Friday, September 30, 2011


I really think I need an alarm clock sans snooze button to help out this Crusty Mom-E.

Right at this moment I have half chewed nails, roots that are screaming for color, dog hair on my socks and sweet pepper jalapeno dip on my shirt. Hair is a hasenbeenwashedsincewed pony tail and I am exhausted.

I knew I hadn't been over here for awhile, but this long? Yikes! Is there a blog app for that somewhere? A "you need to post something" app?..............

It used to seem as though life were busy with little drooling ones. No time. Same need for color, new socks, and washed hair. But the more they progress, the more again, I am witness to how much time it takes out of my own life. Not that I'm complaining. I enjoy the amount of time parenting takes-even when I'm screaming at the top of my lungs because my sons have looked at me cross eyed with eye rolls over long division lessons-. But it takes time. I don't know the amount of time Jr high kids take, but I do know that three boys in grades 4th, 1st and Kindie, take a lot of time.

Are any of you familiar with what an IEP is? Those of you who aren't, that's wonderful! Your child is normal! (Based on state standards that is. Hee-hee.) Our youngest is on an IEP and we've recently been informed that he is falling behind in the normal classroom like setting. That isn't a surprise to us. We knew he wasn't ready for kindergarten. "Then why did you send him," you ask? Well, for those of you familiar with an IEP will understand. But to sum up, if your child, in this particular state that we live in, is on an IEP and turns 5 before the cut off date, in order to continue to receive the state funded services, due to the child's disability, will have to either a) go to kindergarten or b) parents revoke the services that the child needs.

We're lucky that Ben was/is able to be in a Gen Ed classroom. Up until recently. We're so grateful he has a very caring teacher to notice how much he is falling behind because he does need to leave his Gen Ed classroom to receive the services that he needs. Only problem is, when he returns to the classroom, he's behind on what they're learning and unable to keep up. The fast pace roll of Gen Ed is too much for him right now--not just my words, but his teacher's as well- He needs more one on one guidance, and in part because of his young age and the other because of his disability or learning disorder, has put him at risk for falling even further behind. The scary part is that Fall is more review time in school, they teach and advance the children but in a pace not nearly as fast as the program after December. So we have some decisions to make, but one that we all know will be to start, is to have our little dude spend most of his time in the smaller classroom setting instead of vice verse like now. He'll still join his class for gym two days a week, but aside from circle time in the morning, he'll spend the majority of his time in a smaller "self contained" classroom.

This recent discovery has my mind exhausted. Has my fingers worn out from the endless hours of research spent online and by means of pen in hand to take notes. Ben and I, since school has started, spend every afternoon up until recently, "learning."  I've probably exhausted him, but I try to make it fun. Instead of sitting and tracing letters, and making sounds, we listen to music that relates to it, and act it out. We play alphabet baseball and he can advance bases when he is able to speak the letter and say the sound. We make it fun for him, but no matter, he is still falling behind.

That has me beached.

Bullying, as you already know, has me beached.
Our middle balance, actually right now is the only normal right now. Meaning our son. But it's still exhausting because of the constant reminder in my head to be sure to keep things "fair" when parenting.

And people wonder why I don't have time to get out.

I could, probably, if I put my mind to it. But when there is downtime, I long to just spend it with my family. To do normal family things around the house like yelling and breaking up fights, and playing fun games and doing fun family activities like who can burp the longest but the quietest.

I could get out more. But I prefer to get out with my family and do normal things. When I'm not working, which has been more often lately-daily for a few hours and then usually on Saturdays-I just want to be at home.

I don't know what it's like to have the issues that parents of HS and JR high and College age kids have. But what I do know is that when they were babies, when my little ones were babies, I spent a lot of time running around. I was always busy by choice. I made cookies and crummy crafts. I got out socially, with them. I disrupted their sleep and naps to get out.

I think all of that running around "back then," has turned me into a homebody now. It feels good, up until the guilt sets in as to why I never initiate any sort of hang out with family and friends. But, if I were to look down the road at my face in JR or HS mode. The face of a parent with a child at that stage of their life, I know that I won't regret saying "yes" to family, even when it's BMS family, because gradually my own sons will prefer not to have family time with BigDog and I.

When that time comes, not only will I not have any regrets for the need to spend time with my family now, but I'll have more me time-without guilt.--

What about you? Do you have a better way of balancing? We all parent and run our lives differently. I'm blessed to have an adaptable personality and am always looking for potential new ways to run alongside it as a wife and mom with the me shadow as well.


Jamie said...

No one knows more than I how difficult parenting is. Each child had his or her own "issues", something us parents see, anyway. You are a great mom. Guilt is not needed for your choices in your own downtime. Good heavens honey - give yourself a break.

Big hugs. :)

Anonymous said...

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Dan Gilbert
Communications Coordinator
Primrose Schools